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Month: December 2017 (Page 1 of 2)
I first came to Jesus with my parenting dilemmas about four years ago, when we were struggling to manage an emotional two-and-a-half year old and a newborn. I was an anxious, sleep-deprived mess, desperate for guidance. But as I turned the pages of the gospels, my day-to-day questions became overshadowed by the bigger, more searching questions that Jesus was asking me. I wanted to know about my parenting, but Jesus wanted to know about my discipleship.
“What the world needs now is another book on parenting. Right?
Another book with a list of what to do, and what not to do. Some new system of time-out or positive reinforcement. Some social media strategies for teenagers and sleeping schedules for babies. And, for good measure, a chapter on all the ways you’re failing, and why your children will grow up to be monsters.
Hmm, maybe not.
But what we could use (what people hardly ever think about, let alone write books about) is an accessible explanation of what the whole parenting caper is for.”
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There’s no quicker way to ignite an emotional debate than to raise the issue of discipline. At one end of the spectrum are those who say, “The problem with today’s children is that they aren’t disciplined enough—our generation was smacked and it taught us to be respectful.” At the other end of the spectrum are those who warn about how discipline can be abused and result in negative consequences for children.
So, what does the Bible say? How can Christians chart a course through the murky waters of the discipline debate?
Andrew G. Marshall has spent almost thirty years helping couples to overcome their marriage difficulties. Most of the misery he encounters can be traced back to one single issue: how to stop your children from ruining your marriage.
He writes:
“Although bringing up the next generation is possibly the most fulfilling and life-affirming thing anyone can do, babies and small children do seem to have a mission to destroy everything they come into contact with, from your clothes and furniture to your nerves, sex life and sometimes even your marriage … in the hurly-burly of bringing up a family … you drop down each other’s list of priorities until one or other of you complains: ‘You always put me last’” (p 5-6).
Marshall has distilled his insights into a book, called I Love You But You Always Put Me Last: How to Childproof Your Marriage (Macmillan, London, 2013). The book is full of diagnostic quizzes, real-life examples, and practical tips to help you build a stronger marriage during the child-raising years. And with one in three Australian marriages currently ending in divorce, we would do well to pay attention.
Whenever I sit down to read Proverbs, a giant shadow falls across the page and darkens my view. It’s her – the “wife of noble character” from chapter 31. You know the one? She’s the biblical version of that “picture perfect” mother from your social media feed. Glowing with godliness, she is in equal parts my inspiration and my condemnation.
But if we really want to hear what the whole book of Proverbs has to say about mothers, we’ll have to step out from under her shadow for a moment and keep reading.
The realistic parent’s guide to understanding and shaping your child’s behaviour
by Professor Kim Oates, Finch Publishing, Sydney, 2014.
When we open up a parenting book, we make ourselves vulnerable. We begin cautiously, fearing that what we read might confirm our suspicions that we are fundamentally inadequate for the high calling of parenthood.
However, when I opened up 20 Tips for Parents, my fears were quickly relieved.
The account of Jacob and his family occupies almost half of the book of Genesis. It’s a captivating story about how God’s holy, eternal promises have coursed through the veins of very weak and finite human beings; it’s about how God can work through the mess and grime of family life to achieve his glorious purposes.
And God knows that I need to hear that story today. My family life seems weak—often it feels like we’re just skating on the thin ice of civility, with chaos lying in wait just under the surface.
How could God possibly be at work in this very human family?
